Thursday, December 29, 2011

Missing Out

Do you ever feel like you are missing out on something?

This is how I feel all the time I am missing out on my little girl I am missing out on seeing her grow and knowing what sort of person she would of made.

I am missing out on seeing her and Israel together I have seen Israel watch other kids and smile and light up while watching other kids I know he would of loved to watch his big sister and being able to play with her.

I am just straight up missing my little girl

Monday, December 19, 2011

So much to say

I know it has been a long time and trust me I have so much to say but always seem to hesitate in saying it.

I feel a bit guilty. I love Amelia and Israel exactly the same and have cared for them exactly the same way BUT I feel more attached to Israel and at the end of the day I believe that me feeling more attached to Is is because subconsciously to an extent I protected myself when it came to Amelia.

You would think I would be looking forward to Christmas this year as we have Is with us BUT I am not really feeling it I feel very aware that I should have a one year old who should be trying to get at the presents under the tree and come Christmas day be more interested in the packaging rather than the gifts themselves.

Israel is such a happy boy love my little family and am missing Amelia a lot at the moment.

Merry Christmas everyone.

Oh Israel has a present from Amelia under the Christmas tree this year my beautiful mum had bought Amelia a Christmas present last year before she left us and she gave it to me to give to Is this year from Amelia so I think this will be our way of including Amelia in our Christmas every year :)