Monday, July 25, 2011

Not The Natural Order Of Things

On Thursday I went for what I thought would be a very quick usual visit to the hospital well that trip turned to me being sent on my way to relax at maternity assessment for a few hours ( the emotions that bought up is a whole other post but just know both baby and mum are fine :).

While chilling at maternity assessment I got talking to one of the nurses about how a loss of a child is just something you never get over ( all though there seems to be a lot of people out there who think you should just get over it ) this nurse herself had never experienced the loss of a child but her mother did and she said her mum never got over it really or forgot the child and I personally know it is something that we are going to get over and forget we have a daughter that we will miss for the rest of our lives until the day that we are again with her.

My grandmother had a little girl that passed away a few hours after birth this is all we know as back in her day it was something that you just did not talk about so we know nothing about the situation and of course we have wondered if it is possible if our little girl and the little girl who really would of been my aunty had suffered the same medical condition. When I was about 16 I think my Uncle Michael passed away in his very early 40's and my grandmother was devastated by this and I remember her saying to me you are just not meant to out live your children that is not how it is meant to be at all it's not natural.

I wonder if this is the reason it is a lot harder to cope with the loss of a child as apposed a loss of a loved one? I have lost some loved ones who I was very close to and really loved and still miss but none of that compares to how I feel over the loss of my daughter

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Something as simple as a facebook profile picture

Since the 14th of August 2010 on both mine and John's facebook profile picture Amelia has been a part of it accept maybe once I briefly changed mine and Amelia was not in the photo but it did not stay that way for very long anyway this got John and I talking about the thought of changing our profile pics.

We both find this a bit hard and upsetting (seems silly I know) in an ideal world it would not be an upsetting issue it would be a case of having a photo with our 2 children that we could use as a picture and not feeling like having to make a choice or feel like we are neglecting one of our children in any way .

We did not have another baby to replace Amelia as all children we may have in the future are children we had to grow our family and will all be loved and cherished and just as important as Amelia was and Amelia will never be forgotten an we know this but why then is it so hard that something as simple as changing a facebook profile picture so upsetting and feel like that we will be letting down one of our children?

Tuesday, July 5, 2011


Well in just a little over a month under normal circumstances we would be celebrating Amelia turning 1 and there would be birthday cake, Balloons, presents and an excited 1 year old who would most likely be more interested in the wrapping paper than the gifts it's self.

Well our day wont go exactly like that but there is NO WAY that we would or could go pass without marking the day that the most beautiful little gift was born so we have decided that we wanted to spend the day with family and friends and have a BBQ and some butterfly cupcakes and thanks to our beautiful friends and family there are going to be 22 butterflies released on the day and I know that the day will be just beautiful.

John and I feel very lucky to have the friends and family that we have