Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Emotions

Ok so clearly I have not written in 12 months so to give a very brief catch up here is where I am at.

We went for the detailed scan and they found that our little girl Amelia had a number of issues which led them to believe she had Trisomy 13 which is not compatible with life so John and I declined further testing and decided to continue with our pregnancy without interference so on the 12th of August at 38 weeks I was induced and on the 14th of August Amelia Grace McGowan was born bring so much joy to our lives and after a lot of testing she was found not to have trisomy 13 and to date her genetic disorder is still unknown but we were still told due to the severity of the problem with her brain and kidney’s that she would still not survive so we decided to take her home with us which is where she stayed till 3 months and 1 week of age on the 21st of November she passed away sleeping between her mum and dad.

Fast-forward to now (I will go into more detail with what we went through and our time with Amelia as time goes on) I am 20 weeks pregnant this week and also this Friday it will have been 6 months since we said goodbye to our little angel Amelia and we have our 20 week scan this week so this is one emotional week for John and I.

Come Thursday at 1.30pm I am having a detailed scan done so far this pregnancy I have remained very optimistic but now we are so close to our 20 week scan I can’t help but worry due to the autopsy results being back we are still very unsure of why Amelia had this condition or what it is so we have been told that we have a 1:50 chance of it happening again but that could change so this week I am struggling with the not knowing the other thing I am finding very hard this week is missing my baby girl a lot this week I was told as time goes on it gets easier but at the moment I am finding it harder cause all I really want to do is curl up in bed and have snuggles with my little girl this is what I really want to do but unfortunately it is not possible don’t get me wrong I always miss and love Amelia and always wish I could be holding her but recently that desire is a lot stronger than it normally is which is strange and I am starting to think part of the reason I am feeling this way is due to the fact that on Thursday we will find out if this baby is a healthy baby or if this little one has the same genetic disorder as his/her big sister.

I am planning to Blog on a regular basis no matter what the scan shows on Thursday so please bear with me because really I am all very new to this whole blog thing

2 comments:

  1. Will be praying that the scan goes well Linda! Thanks so much for sharing your journey with us xx

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  2. You are so brave!! I can't even bring myself to go to the Dr/Hospital as I am so scared of being told something is wrong again. Will be thinking of you on Thursday xox

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