Sunday, May 22, 2011

The Day we said goodbye

On the day that Amelia passed away was a hard day I had woke because for some strange reason out dog would not stop barking and I looked at the time and thought gee Amelia is having a big sleep and that is when I reached over and placed my hand on my beautiful little girl and knew she was just not breathing and at that point I woke John up pretty calmly given the situation and said John I think Amelia has passed away and his first reaction was to jump up and pick her up and give her a cuddle for a bit then he handed her back to me at this point I broke down and cuddled my little girl while John woke his mum up and told her that Amelia had passed away and she came into me while John went and phoned his older sister to tell her and I remember saying to John’s mum that what if I had been awake maybe she would not of passed away I blamed myself for being asleep.

From the moment Amelia was born alive I always thought that when the time came for her passing we would be holding her and comforting her so she would know she was not alone at no point did I ever imagine would I wake from my sleep to find that she had passed away and then it left with not knowing if she had passed away peacefully or whether she had suffered I have had lots of doctors and nurses tell me that if she had suffered that we would of known as she was in bed between us but still it took a lot of time to accept this.

So John phoned the hospital I dressed Amelia in a pretty pink dress and wrapped her in one of her pretty pink blankets and also by this stage I had called my mum and John’s sister arrived and then we left to take Amelia to our local hospital when we got to the hospital we were met in the special care nursery by one of the doctors that was there the day Amelia was born plus and number of the nurses who had cared for Amelia was also working that day we put in a room to spend a bit of time with Amelia and to take some hand and foot prints cut some of her beautiful hair and just have lots of cuddles with Amelia my mum and one of my Aunties also came up as well as John’s sister and mum. We gave Amelia a bath the nurses did a shift change and 2 of the midwifes that was there when Amelia was born came by and said goodbye to Amelia our family left and not long after they left the doctor and a nurse that had cared for Amelia had came in and said that they had spoken to Amelia’s doctor from another hospital (Amelia was under the care of 2 doctors one at our local hospital and another one from another hospital) and had said he had the results from Amelia’s genetic testing and it all came back clear so they wanted to take 2 hole punches of Amelia’s skin and they wanted to do it soon so at this point John and I decided to leave. The last time we saw our little girl she was being lovingly cuddled by a beautiful nurse had cared for her this was the same nurse who was there the day we took Amelia home from the hospital she cried on that day to so at 8 am on the Sunday morning we were walking away from the hospital without our little girl this is the day we said goodbye to our firstborn a special and amazing little girl who changed our lives forever

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