Sunday, April 18, 2010

What a week

Well I have not written for a bit mostly as I have had not much to say and then when I did have something to say I was to drained to do it.

On Wednesday we had our 20 week scan to discover that we had one very active little girl and I must say we could not be happier about it and it has made our pregnancy that much more exciting and love being able to say our little girl and call her by her name which is Amelia Grace.

On Friday I had my 20 week check up and to get the results from my scan, the results from our scan was not so good I have a Single Artery Umbilical Cord and our precious little girl has multiple cysts on both her kidneys.

So I spent pretty much the whole of Friday in tears and stressing out and then to top off one of the most horrible days I woke up just before midnight feeling sick and I only got worse to the point I ended up at the hospital as I thought I was having a heart attack but not so just a really bad case of reflux which I had to spend a few hours at the hospital to find this out.

At the moment I am feeling much better about everything, I have had great support from my family and friends and now we are just waiting to hear from the Mater hospital to have a detailed scan and find out what is going to happen from here.

Friday, April 9, 2010

Thank You God

I have so much to be grateful for in my life and I thank God for that everyday.

I had a hospital appointment and I finally got to see and meet my Endocrinologist for the first time and given my irrational fear of doctors he managed to make me feel very comfortable which is good as it appears he is the doctor I will have the most to do wit between now and when bub is born. The visit went really well he spent a fair bit of time to talk to me which made me realise I had spent time worrying about what having diabetes could mean for my baby and the damage could do to my baby spent no time thinking about what damage may of already may of been done to me.

So the doc spent lots of time asking me questions and checking me over he ended my visit with "well congratulations for someone who has diabetes you are pretty healthy" there is no signs of the diabetes effecting me in any other way so I continue to pray that my baby gets the same prognosis to.

The doctor has said that I may of had diabetes with my first 2 pregnancies or I may of had PCOS which may explain losing our first 2 babies.

So all seems to be going very well I have my scan in under a week and I am really looking forward to it and I do not have to go back to the hospital for a month as everyone says I am doing a good job in controlling my diabetes.

Monday, April 5, 2010

Count Down

Well the count down is on for me to finish up work and today I said goodbye to one of my co-workers as I only have 3 shifts of work left.

Yes I am finishing up work a bit early but have not really been given much of a choice due to suffering from vertigo I am meant to avoid standing for long periods of time which is not easy to do when you work at a service station were you can spend hours by yourself.

Before I even started suffering from vertigo it was suggested that I consider finishing up sooner rather than latter but I really put it off as I just kept thinking if things did not work out I would have to look for another job and I just did not want to do that as I like my job I have a great manager and assistant manager and I work with great people and that does not always happen but the vertigo was really the last straw and it really hit home that I could not work for as long as I had plan to.

I am finding as time is getting closer to my 20 week scan and my last day of work the nerves are really kicking in as my last day of work is on the 12th of April and the scan is on the 14th of April I really pray that everything is going well and wonder if after this scan I will stop stressing so much.

Sunday, April 4, 2010

What I am not scared of :)

Well we have heard all my fears and what I am scared of so I thought I would share what I am not scared of.

I am not scared of giving birth or becoming a parent. I hear so many people that these are 2 things that can cause worry for some people but for me I do not seem that worried about it, maybe I am over confident who knows.

When I think of birth I am not disillusioned I know it is going to be hard work and painful (unless they give me an epi straight away) and I know that things don't always go to plan so I could end up having a c-section or something like that, but i am just not scared about it.

when I think about John and I becoming parents I am not scared, I know being a parent will not be easy and I know there will be times when we will make mistakes and there probably be times when our child may have a tantrum in the middle of a shopping centre but I know we will be good parents and teach our child right from wrong, we will be loving, everything you need in a parents we will be we will not be perfect but no one is

Saturday, April 3, 2010

What life throws at us

Last night we attended a 60th birthday of an awesome woman and it was really good as I got to see some people I have not seen in ages and got to chat to people that I may not necessarily speak to that often due to being shy and not really that social as a general rule.

I was having a chat with a lovely lady from my church which was really good and got me thinking about things and about what life throws at us.

I have these fears that there will be something wrong with our baby as I don't want there to be anything wrong, like most parents I pray for a healthy baby and for us this has nothing to do with what we can handle as we would love our child regardless but it is about us as parents wanting the best for our child.

God would not give us anything that John and I could not handle even if at the time we do not think we could handle it . Before I had my first miscarriage I used to think that I would never be ab;e to handle going through something like that let alone going through it twice, I did not ever think I could ever handle having diabetes but I have it and I am handling it.

In the nearly 3 years that John and I have been married we have gone through these things and more and we have come out the other side as stronger people and having a closer relationship with each other, I am very lucky to have the husband I have as not every one is that lucky but we need to have a little bit more faith about what we can handle, I know now at the end of the day we can handle anything that comes our way it may not always be easy or pretty but we can do it.

Thursday, April 1, 2010

those thoughts

Last week John and we decided that we would go shopping and have a look at prams well we did have fun looking and the pram that John really liked was the strider 4 but the only problem was that John could not fold it down he spent ages trying to get it to fold he had me killing myself laughing it was so funny so John's final solution is that he will tie the pram to roof racks which we don't have.

So off we went to put the pram on lay-by and my usual thought pops into my head it never stays there to long but it is a thought that has always been with me no matter how positive I try and be.

"What if my baby does not make it" now I must say that despite what you may think I don't devote many hours stressing about it or think about it all to often but it is a thought that is there and part of me still has not accepted the fact that in 19 weeks time we will be having a baby and that we will be parents and I think it is a habit that John and I have adopted to protect our selves some people may not understand it but that is how we deal with it and I really don't think it is going to hit us until we hold our little baby in our arm's :)