Sunday, April 18, 2010

What a week

Well I have not written for a bit mostly as I have had not much to say and then when I did have something to say I was to drained to do it.

On Wednesday we had our 20 week scan to discover that we had one very active little girl and I must say we could not be happier about it and it has made our pregnancy that much more exciting and love being able to say our little girl and call her by her name which is Amelia Grace.

On Friday I had my 20 week check up and to get the results from my scan, the results from our scan was not so good I have a Single Artery Umbilical Cord and our precious little girl has multiple cysts on both her kidneys.

So I spent pretty much the whole of Friday in tears and stressing out and then to top off one of the most horrible days I woke up just before midnight feeling sick and I only got worse to the point I ended up at the hospital as I thought I was having a heart attack but not so just a really bad case of reflux which I had to spend a few hours at the hospital to find this out.

At the moment I am feeling much better about everything, I have had great support from my family and friends and now we are just waiting to hear from the Mater hospital to have a detailed scan and find out what is going to happen from here.

Friday, April 9, 2010

Thank You God

I have so much to be grateful for in my life and I thank God for that everyday.

I had a hospital appointment and I finally got to see and meet my Endocrinologist for the first time and given my irrational fear of doctors he managed to make me feel very comfortable which is good as it appears he is the doctor I will have the most to do wit between now and when bub is born. The visit went really well he spent a fair bit of time to talk to me which made me realise I had spent time worrying about what having diabetes could mean for my baby and the damage could do to my baby spent no time thinking about what damage may of already may of been done to me.

So the doc spent lots of time asking me questions and checking me over he ended my visit with "well congratulations for someone who has diabetes you are pretty healthy" there is no signs of the diabetes effecting me in any other way so I continue to pray that my baby gets the same prognosis to.

The doctor has said that I may of had diabetes with my first 2 pregnancies or I may of had PCOS which may explain losing our first 2 babies.

So all seems to be going very well I have my scan in under a week and I am really looking forward to it and I do not have to go back to the hospital for a month as everyone says I am doing a good job in controlling my diabetes.

Monday, April 5, 2010

Count Down

Well the count down is on for me to finish up work and today I said goodbye to one of my co-workers as I only have 3 shifts of work left.

Yes I am finishing up work a bit early but have not really been given much of a choice due to suffering from vertigo I am meant to avoid standing for long periods of time which is not easy to do when you work at a service station were you can spend hours by yourself.

Before I even started suffering from vertigo it was suggested that I consider finishing up sooner rather than latter but I really put it off as I just kept thinking if things did not work out I would have to look for another job and I just did not want to do that as I like my job I have a great manager and assistant manager and I work with great people and that does not always happen but the vertigo was really the last straw and it really hit home that I could not work for as long as I had plan to.

I am finding as time is getting closer to my 20 week scan and my last day of work the nerves are really kicking in as my last day of work is on the 12th of April and the scan is on the 14th of April I really pray that everything is going well and wonder if after this scan I will stop stressing so much.

Sunday, April 4, 2010

What I am not scared of :)

Well we have heard all my fears and what I am scared of so I thought I would share what I am not scared of.

I am not scared of giving birth or becoming a parent. I hear so many people that these are 2 things that can cause worry for some people but for me I do not seem that worried about it, maybe I am over confident who knows.

When I think of birth I am not disillusioned I know it is going to be hard work and painful (unless they give me an epi straight away) and I know that things don't always go to plan so I could end up having a c-section or something like that, but i am just not scared about it.

when I think about John and I becoming parents I am not scared, I know being a parent will not be easy and I know there will be times when we will make mistakes and there probably be times when our child may have a tantrum in the middle of a shopping centre but I know we will be good parents and teach our child right from wrong, we will be loving, everything you need in a parents we will be we will not be perfect but no one is

Saturday, April 3, 2010

What life throws at us

Last night we attended a 60th birthday of an awesome woman and it was really good as I got to see some people I have not seen in ages and got to chat to people that I may not necessarily speak to that often due to being shy and not really that social as a general rule.

I was having a chat with a lovely lady from my church which was really good and got me thinking about things and about what life throws at us.

I have these fears that there will be something wrong with our baby as I don't want there to be anything wrong, like most parents I pray for a healthy baby and for us this has nothing to do with what we can handle as we would love our child regardless but it is about us as parents wanting the best for our child.

God would not give us anything that John and I could not handle even if at the time we do not think we could handle it . Before I had my first miscarriage I used to think that I would never be ab;e to handle going through something like that let alone going through it twice, I did not ever think I could ever handle having diabetes but I have it and I am handling it.

In the nearly 3 years that John and I have been married we have gone through these things and more and we have come out the other side as stronger people and having a closer relationship with each other, I am very lucky to have the husband I have as not every one is that lucky but we need to have a little bit more faith about what we can handle, I know now at the end of the day we can handle anything that comes our way it may not always be easy or pretty but we can do it.

Thursday, April 1, 2010

those thoughts

Last week John and we decided that we would go shopping and have a look at prams well we did have fun looking and the pram that John really liked was the strider 4 but the only problem was that John could not fold it down he spent ages trying to get it to fold he had me killing myself laughing it was so funny so John's final solution is that he will tie the pram to roof racks which we don't have.

So off we went to put the pram on lay-by and my usual thought pops into my head it never stays there to long but it is a thought that has always been with me no matter how positive I try and be.

"What if my baby does not make it" now I must say that despite what you may think I don't devote many hours stressing about it or think about it all to often but it is a thought that is there and part of me still has not accepted the fact that in 19 weeks time we will be having a baby and that we will be parents and I think it is a habit that John and I have adopted to protect our selves some people may not understand it but that is how we deal with it and I really don't think it is going to hit us until we hold our little baby in our arm's :)

Monday, March 29, 2010

Part 3

OK so off to the hospital I went and I can tell you they did not have me waiting long to see the doctor or the diabetic educator as the midwife did say something to her boss. I met with a doctor who was the first person to be negative about my pregnancy pretty much made it sound that my baby had no chance that he or she was going to be born with a birth defect were as every other health care professional had been really positive about my pregnancy as my diabetes has been very well controlled.

The week after I had to go back to the hospital again and I had a blood test done while I was there called Hb1ac which test for my sugar levels over 3 months and my test results came back really good it put me in a non diabetic range which means my sugar levels were really well controlled and considering I had only been aware that I had diabetes for 7 of the 12 weeks it tested for I felt pretty good, when I spoke to the diabetic educator a few days later ( I call them twice a week) and told her my results she said to me that I must be confused and that my doctor must be confused as that cant be right as it is very low for someone with diabetes so she told me to hold the line while she went and got the results and when she came back she asked me if I had a lot of hypos and my answer to that is no I have never had a hypo, the lady was in a bit of a shock as the doctor or myself were not confused.

So the following day off i went for my 16 week check up were I got to here my baby's heartbeat which was such a relief as I was so worried that there was something wrong as I had spotting 2 days before hand but no everything was OK.

2 Days latter I was at work I had been there for about 2 hours when I started to feel very strange and it happened really quickly so I called out to Jayde to say that something did not feel right and by the time she had got to me I had broken out in a cold sweat was feeling dizzy, nauseous and had the shakes so my first thought was I was having my first ever hypo but when i checked my levels they were fine and when I got to the doctors (not my doctor as they were closed) he checked me over and said it was vertigo and from now on with my pregnancy that I would have to be careful and to try and not spend to long on my feet (not easy when you work at a 24 hour servo and a lot of the time you are by yourself for 8 hours at a time) so as a result I am having to give up work shortly in fact the 12th of April is my day.

well now I am 18 weeks nearly 19 weeks the time has gone so fast I have my ups and downs but always I try to stay positive but it is not always easy

Saturday, March 27, 2010

Part 2

So I just need to back track for just a minute, you will notice in post there are times when I am talking about going to doctors and scans and 90% of the time there will be no mention of John being there that is because most of the time I go to these things by myself, now this is not because John does not want to come with me this is mostly due to me playing down the visits and trying to discourage John you maybe asking why I do this well my mind is a complicated and scary place. In my own way I think it is a way of me protecting John which i know sounds strange but I did say my mind was complicated and scary :) I would rather be the one to break the news to him if there is bad news.

OK so off I went to the doctors a few days later with all my results from the scan and my doctor had the results of my glucose test and this was the only time John has come to the doctors with me and all my scan results were really good I went from not heartbeat or yolk to a strong heartbeat and a healthy looking yolk so we were 2 very happy parents to be but we were not so lucky with the glucose results as they came back saying I had diabetes which brings up a whole heap of complications with being pregnant specially as it had not been under control for the whole pregnancy.

So my doctor gave me a referral and told me to go to straight to ANC on the following days as it was a public holiday at the hospital as they would have to start me on some insulin, so off I went the next day with my friend Cathy as John was at work and well what a horrible day that turned out to be the receptionist (were she got her medical training from lol) had pretty much told me to go home and wait for an appointment from the hospital but she also said how could my doctor diagnose me with having diabetes after only doing 1 test (I mean really how many times did she want the doctor to go and send me for a glucose tolerance test), lucky for me Cathy was there with the way I was feeling I just would on went home but Cathy piped up and spoke to the lady who then decided to tell us to go to the early assessment unit and yes you guessed they tried to send me back to the ANC telling me that there is were i needed to go so we ended up just going back to my doctors I was in tears what else do you do when you are pregnant and so my doctor started me on insulin the best she could.

So eventually I got an appointment with a midwife 5 weeks later (so they wanted me to wait this long before I did anything about my diabetes)the midwife was lovely and said I needed to go to the hospital ASAP so I told what happened when my doctor sent me there and she was horrified and told me I should never of been sent away and that she would be saying something to her boss that afternoon and she called the hospital and got me in there the next day.

Stay tuned for part 3 of getting you caught up to were I am at.

Oh and by now you will have guessed that my grammar is not good so I will say sorry now

What to say

Well I am new to this whole blogging thing but thought I would give it a go as a way to get my feelings out there and to be honest it would not worry if no one ever read this I just find it can be very helpful to put my feelings into words.

Just a bit of background about me I am currently 18 weeks pregnant and this will be my third pregnancy but so far none of our precious angels have made it into the world but it is looking very much like this little bub is sticking in there after some scares for me and my wonderful husband John we cannot wait to meet our miracle baby.

I found out I was pregnant about a week before Christmas (best present ever I might add) and about 2 weeks latter I finally got into see my doctor and also got to go have a scan that very day, when I went for my first scan unfortunately things were not looking very good as there was no sign of a heartbeat or a yolk so naturally my first thought was that we had lost another little angel as on top of those bits of information I was no longer feeling pregnant which was not a good sign at all.

When I went back to my doctor with the scan results she also had my blood test results and when they did the test they found sugar in my urine and blood which was a sign that I could have diabetes and at the same time I was given a 50% chance of bub being alive but I would have to wait another 2 weeks before I could have a scan done and I would also have to get a glucose tolerance test done.

So on went the longest 2 weeks of my life but in that time I had already come to turns with the fact that I probably had diabetes and that my baby was no longer alive so I acted like I was not pregnant the whole time and pretty much ate crap with the theory that i better make the best of eating what I wanted before I was officially diagnosed with diabetes.

Scan day came around I told John not to come to the scan with me as I already knew what the results were going to be so off I went and told the scan lady my history and she did all these checks that they do and then we get to the end of the scan and the scan lady goes well i don't put your due date down as the 1st of September I have it as the 26th of August! at this point I have looked at her with an confused look on my face followed by a what??? yes the 26th of August and your baby's heartbeat is nice and strong at 152bpm at that point she turned of the thing so i could hear the most beautiful sound I have ever heard and naturally what else could I do but promptly burst into tears.

stay tuned for part 2 as i now have to drag myself off to bed :)